Tuesday, January 08, 2008

With due CREDIT

"Good morning sir. I am calling on behalf of XYZ bank and our bank is offering you a life time free gold/platinum (and any other metal that mankind has not found yet) credit card."

Beyond the annoying nature of the call lies the naivete of gullible victims who go by those words, amongst whom I happen to be one.

Long back I happened to take a H..C (to put in expletives, from which I cant refrain myself, ".." sounds like bee in the a$$) credit-card. With most of the online transactions facilitated only through credit- and never debit-cards, possessing such a card became one of a basic necessity. Being a well known brand, I thought I could rely on their service.

I have never seen a bank who never wants interest. Strangely, this bank - if I procrastinate my payments for personal reasons, limpid to my mind that this will invoke some extra charges and penalties, will keep calling me day and night asking me to pay for it. And if I don't pay, oops, the service is barred. Great. Now I wont or may be I can't spend more with that card. Everything has a positive side, so does this I guess.

Now, the life time free credit card has annual charges. I guess its free only to re-activate the card during one's next life. God knows, what the pith of their slogan was. Anyways now I get charged every year. And they invent an ingenious device which generates some keys to log-in to the online transaction summary. They have couriered the gadget almost two years back, and is still on its way. Poor bank administrators, their impromptu service being denigrated by a slow courier system. (As per the bank's claim, if I recuperate right, the package is walking down from their office in Antarctica, where it is being manufactured. And an ingenuous and naive person like me is not supposed to worry about things beyond the ken of our knowledge).

Finally, satiated with an at par service of the bank, I decided that the card service they offer is invaluable and so shouldn't be wasted on prude denizens like me, especially since they are offering it so free of charge. Hence I decided to revoke the card facility. I go to the bank. Cancelling a card is easy, cut the card into two pieces, deposit in their ATM. But me being a liar and bank being extremely trustworthy, what is the guarantee that I'll not use the card which I don't have, and the bank will have to charge me for on a card I ripped apart eons back, with the amount, its interest, penalty, interest on penalty, and all such appurtenances.

I guess the only way out, is bank declaring me pauper, taking away all I've earned through my life, and grant me a moratorium, and let me live by the road side, beseeching pennies, to meet odds and ends. And when I become a mendicant, I'll hang a board on my neck, "Credit card accepted".


Suzy q said...

I understand the jist of it but not everything...I am finding it hard to get a good grasp of things...in some ways it is like a foreign language movie to me.....

shyamchand said...

So, it seems you have finally started off strongly, fighting with the words...

Usha :) said...

Boy o boy.. that was hugely entertaining.. a slice of life, irony steeped in it, and clever phrasing. Humour is indeed your forte..!

Vagrant Seeker said...

so finally u put up your first ever encounter with bank sharks..
you could be the favorite customer of many a banks and insurance companies..
nice one, ;)

Shal said...

oh boy tell me about it
this whole credit card stuff is so anoying

loved the humour here

bravo :):)

Leenuka said...

hehehe... totally empathise with what have written here... truly you and truly humoourous... :)